Kabali Times: Introducing Athimber Day

Kabali Times formally announces a new 'celebration' day called World Athimber Day. This day will celebrate 'that special relationship' between a boy/girl and his/her Athimber. This day will be celebrated on May 21, the day in which the world's first Athimber was born.

Although this day seems to have severe casteist connotations, it is really an equally opportunity day. Anybody regardless of caste, creed, nationality, religion or sexual orientation can participate in this day. However, 'athimber' by virtue of being an 'Athimber' has to be a man. The only qualification required is that this man should be either an akka's (elder sister) husband or athai's (father's sister) husband. Any other husband is not allowed to participate in this function. Due to extreme demand and frequent misrepresentations, Athai & akka's ex-husbands are strictly not allowed to participate. Unless they have been remarried into a new athai/akka. This rule is non-negotiable.

On this day the boy or a girl who wishes to send his/her special love to their 'athimber' shall make 1 pot of rasam. The (incumbent) athimber shall prepare Coconut Thogaiyal in return. Landmark/Archie's card will release special 'Athimber day' cards for this day. The two parties can meet in pubs, clubs, Spencer's Plaza, coffee shops, muniyandi vilas, vel military and Woodlands drive-in to exchange these gifts. Requests for 'murai' ponnu/paiyan shall not be entertained. Giving Yellow veshti (dhoti) to Athimber means you need his advise on matrimonial matters, Red veshti indicates that you want some kai-vasam money. 'Pazhuppu' (dirty) veshti indicates that you need him to provide gaanja, cigarette and Vodka. Kabali Times cauught up with an Athimber on road with dirty dhoti, and this is what he had to say "we athimber's sell some serious dope maan! don't mess with us maaaan! (sniff) (sniff). rock on dude". Thirunavakarasu athimber, popularly known as 'arasu' athimber is the popular ruling party athimber, who initiated a motion for such a day in the Assembly. When contacted on phone on the controversial issue of 'men-only-for-athimber', he said "ek maar do tukda - ek athimber dho athai - dho athimber day - ha ha ha ha". As lalitha madam says in her surf advertisement 'samajdhari athimber'.

RMKV, Pothys, Nalli and Kumaran's have special designs for such veshtis. Different Koyembedu markets have special variety of coconuts for Athimbers. Reliance is stocking special coconut thogaiyal for Athimber's day. All Athimbers and children are flocking to koyembedu markets and cloth shops respectively.

P.S: Kabali Times would also like to announce the following release dates - Pachai Kili (Feb 16) - Paruthiveeran (feb 23).