Kabali Times: Chapell Woos Uthappa

An urgent call has been sent out by Greg Chappell to Trinidad & Tobago branch of extrabed.in . He needs a place to sleep. According to eyewitness reports Greg Chappell has been reluctant to go into his hotel room alone. He has been loitering around in the lounge and boring arbitrary people with his analysis on why Levrock's stomach is so big. Apparently he tried to entice Robin Uthappa into his hotel room by singing the seductive song that went "I am the sambar, and you are the uthappa. I will flip you backwards and pour all over you". "summa vaa" said Chappell to which Uthappa became red-faced and extremely shy, "ponga annen vekkama irukku". They were interupted by the chairman of Stupid Media Association of India, who politely asked Chappell the same question for the 7 Billion'th time. "Bat Why India Bad" - he asked with intelligent face, thinking he had altered the question sufficiently enough to make Chappell answer it differently. When the answer came back as "We didn't bat very well" the stupid Indian media men were upset and vowed to ask the same question in anagrams.



Eye witness reports also indicate that many Indian/Pakistani players, supporters and underworld match fixers have sent samplers to touch and feel Greg Chappell's neck. The coach has apparently been annoyed by people walking up with a measuring tape and measure the size of his neck. 3 undertakers have already been kept on reserve for any eventuality.

Back in India, Effigy Burners Association of India refused to apologize for burning Chadrababu Naidu's effigy instead of Venkatapathy Raju's effigy. They said that if they were literate and intelligent enough to know the difference they wouldn't be spending time burning effigies anyway. Apparently that was the reason why the court exonerated them for burning Venkatesh Prasadh instead of his effigy. Venkatesh Prasadh's skeleton was unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile, Shilpa Shetty took a pledge that she will continue to strive for India's racial progress. After curtsying to the Queen, she quickly took a flight to Trinidad to work on the morale of the Bermudan team. She immediately checked into Levrock's hotel room and promised to work on his fitness. According to her spokesman, she has promised that she would drain him of at least 200 pounds and get his legs in shape for the key game against Bangladesh. Dave Whatmore was last seen hosing in cold water into Levrock's room. Rakhee Swant also has thrown in her bit for India by joining the Bangaldesh support staff as the hot nanny for their 17/18 year olds.

Ganapathi Sastrigal, who conducted 267 homams, to ensure India's victory is missing in action. The 267 sets of bat ball and stumps he used were also missing. In an unrelated news Ganapathi Sports club opened in the outskirts of New York opposite to Singh sports.